Arthritis Mom

I woke up Monday morning in a huge amount of pain. My mind quickly flashed to Saturday and helping to rearrange the kids' room - I must have over done it. I got the babies fed and back to bed, made sure my older daughter was dressed and ready for school, and went outside to take her to the bus stop. It was raining and of course my first thought was on top of feeling miserable I'm going to have a bad hair day!

Oh, it's raining.

Why is it that when it rains and I have a flare it takes me so long to make the connection? Even after 5 years of having rheumatoid arthritis, I still have trouble making the connection between pain and weather. Over doing it and rain, double whammy.

Around noon I thought I should be feeling better than I was. The morning stiffness and pain was not subsiding. It occurred to me this was not a small flare. I don't often have big flares while on medication. I must have really over done it. Everything hurt and with 10 month old babies to care for there are no breaks. I wanted to curse every snap on their cute little outfits. Pulling the tabs on the diapers was painful. Lifting them was painful. Making the bottles was painful. Everything I did was painful.

Being in pain has a way of putting you in a sour mood. You can't really go around the house screaming "why me?" but the thought was in my head, and the expression was on my face. My poor husband wasn't sure what to do with me. I know I send mixed signals because I don't want to be babied and to ask for him to do everything for me, I have a need to be self sufficient. At the same time I can't do anything without it hurting and I needed help to make it through the day. I spent most of the day being mad at myself and at RA and unfortunately my husband had to experience that right along with me.

Day 2 was worse. I hate not knowing when the flare will end. I hate that the world wasn't stopping so I could take it easy until I bounced back. I kept thinking if at least it was summer the the babies could stay in diapers and I could avoid those evil snaps.

I know from experience that if I can go with the flow and accept what is happening it's easier to cope but every now and then that is just too much to ask of myself. I wanted to be mad and I didn't want to accept this latest slap-in-the-face reminder of my limitations.

On day 3 I started to think this would go on all week. I was fed up, I'd had it. But that didn't change anything - still just as many diapers to change and bottles to make. I was just as mad about all of it. I cried, I yelled at my husband that there was nothing he could do, and I again cursed the cute clothing with all the little snaps.

The evening of day 3 was like a fever breaking, I suddenly started to feel better and my mood changed just as quickly. My husband noticed and commented on it. He seemed relieved but not quite sure if he could relax just yet even though the happy "me" was coming back. But it was subsiding, the end of the flare was here. The return to normalcy. Until the next time.....